Our friend Bev is fond of saying “he (or she) gives good email.” By this she is referring to those who have a sharpish wit and can put it to (virtual) paper well. I think it’s a requirement of her dream man that he be glib with the online repartee. I recently was cc’d on a series of emails from and to her that well illustrates her words. it all started with this email (I have changed the names of all the innocents to Bob to protect their identity – neither Chuck nor Bev are innocent, so we’ll call them “Chuck” and “Bev”). It relates to her recent “two for one” purchase of a really awesome kitchen trash can that opens when you wave your hand over it (you got it – you never have to touch the skanky lid AT ALL). She really got it for herself, but as it was a two-fer deal, it made sense to get the second and give it to somebody. And rather than think of US, her good friends who are there through thick and thin and love nothing better in life than really cool things like that trash can, she thought of her mother. I mean, for pete’s sake! But back to topic: it started with the following email. I think there may have been a beginning that I never saw, but this is where I came in:

Here’s the official theme symbols for facebook” title=”music symbols for facebook”>music to accompany our Mother’s Day trash can! Bob also included a bonus on the CD. He added a song to “throw away trash by!” Now that’s a complete package.
(Sounds like the old Ginsu knife commercials…but wait, there’s more…for only $19.99…you also get…)
I’m designing a snappy CD jacket & will send mother the CD this week – well before the MD holiday – in keeping with this year’s pre-mature gifting practices.
I’ll forward a copy for your viewing pleasure (if possible).
SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don’t let mom know. Heaven knows she’s not expecting theme symbols for facebook” title=”music symbols for facebook”>music but it will add to the drama.
Q: Any suggestions of what I can get … to thank him for his composition efforts?

What’s particularly funny (to me) about this is that she failed to add the attachment she mentions. I always get a laugh out of it when people do that. She made the mistake of cc’ing Chuck on this and his gift suggestion was:

Q: Does he need to get laid? 😉

To which she replied (Chuck was out of town on business, hence the heading):

Traveling Chuck,
I can always count on you for taking the moral high ground.
Q: Does he need to get laid? 😉
A: I don’t know & don’t really care. He’s the one who just bought a puppy, named her “Rosebud”, flew up to Yellowstone with wife to pick up pup, AND bought her (that would be Rosebud not the wife) a convertable to toole around town with. I’m am simply surrounded by these animal enthusiasts!
Thanks for the suggestion, as twisted as it may be. Anything else would be a dissapointment.
A possible gift idea did come to me yesterday. As with any good anal-retentive accountant type, Bob notices details. He amazed us by reciting where everyone parked their cars one night shortly after beginning to work here. I toyed with him by parking in different spots (without saying a thing) for awhile until I finally parked in “his” usual spot. It drove him nuts & was highly entertaining – systematic insaniy.
Lately, Bob, my boss who reports to xxx, has parked in “Bob’s” spot a couple of times after lunch. Bob came over to comment on why he was doing that and was he trying to drive Bob crazy. Bob said that he’s going to have to put a little cone in that space. He laughs at himself about it. Good thing because so do we.
Enter gift idea…I think it would be nice to get him his own little cone… It would be great if 1/2 the cone could be standard orange issue & the other half a plastic fire hydrant labeled “Rosebud.” A present the whole family could use.
We could have it sitting in the middle of “Bob’s” spot one morning with a huge bow on top & a thank you card hanging off the side. What a warm & inviting welcome.
It’s sounding better & better to me. He probably doesn’t already have one at home.

That was all yesterday. Today I got another email, and it was clear to me that there had been a flurry of emails to which I was not privy (looky here folks: if you’re going to cc me on some, cc me on ALL!).

Bob,
Ah, you’ve done this before. You give good email.
Thank you for validating the alternative present option. Obviously, Bob has been holding out on me. She never told me about her fire hydrant entitlement. Until now, I’ve only hated her because she’s beautiful. And gets every conceivable holiday (real or made up) off – with pay.
The cone will be lovely. HR’s already cleared the idea. Lee will be thrilled & delighted.
You apparently got too close to Chuck at the BBQ. His tainted ways seem to have rubbed off on you. As for my “lack of concern” about my colleagues sexual well being…I’ve only got this to say:
I’m providing thrills and delights already. Let me just say that Bob reported that a purple glove had been circulating the men’s bathroom for a few days now. First it was sighted in a stall. Eventually, it made it’s way onto the sink counter. Men are gross. I don’t want to know all these things about my collegues (or anyone else except the brunette guy on CSI).
I’m working on my own sexual well being, OK!!?
Signing off. Bev
>A very nice traffic cone would probably be sufficient, but perhaps a
>slightly used fire hydrant would work better! Bev could paint one
>side of the hydrant to resemble a cone… much less likely to be
>removed or stolen I would think, but then again parking in front of a
>hydrant may cause other problems. Well it is something to consider!
>Bev’s lack of concern over the sexual well being of her colleague
>concerns me…perhaps you should forward her the yoga
>article. ;-b…
>Bob

SWF, in excellent shape, runs very fast and cracks herself up, looking for SWM who gives good email.

That’s our girl.