Today is my 50th birthday. It’s weird: when I look back at birthdays that were a big idea, the dates that come to mind are hit and miss. The first one that seemed like a big deal was turning 18. I can remember thiking, “AT last! I’ll feel like an adult!” I didn’t. So then I figured it would be 21. Nope. Ah well. Neither of these birthdays made me feel old: if anything I felt too young – which goes to show how young I really was! The rest of my twenties passed in a blur of school, work, and travel that left me with little time for reflection on where my life was going. But it sure was a lot of fun!
Now turning 29, THAT was a big deal. In my mind, 30 seemed like a big number, the end of youth. And rather than stress at 30, I stressed the year before. I looked at my life and felt that I had been wasting time. So I took a trip to Nepal and went hiking in the Himalayas, and then I enrolled in graduate school. This flurry of activity kept me busy for most of my thirties as I got a degree, went job hunting and started contemplating what I wanted to be when I grew up (and no, I still haven’t figured it out).
40 was another big year. That birthday was a time of reflection. For the first time in my life, I really stopped down and took a look at what I had accomplished, and what I had NOT accomplished. I realized at 40 that having never married there was a good chance that I never would get married, or have kids. And I had to figure out how I felt about that. I decided I felt okay, and liked my life. I was satisfied, and for the most part happy. And so my forties progressed. I traveled, worked, and settled into a pattern of life that I felt comfortable and safe with. Then out of the blue I met Chuck and my life forever changed. So the decade that started out with a feeling of disappointment and a vague sense of opportunities missed ended up being one of the most fulfilling of my life.
So 50 isn’t as scary as I expected it to be. I realize that more of my life (all things being equal) is in all likelihood behind me rather that ahead of me. But that doesn’t scare me: rather, I view it as a challenge to make the coming years as rewarding as possible. And I’m not doing too badly; I still wear the same size of clothes I wore over 20 years ago, and I can still run a 10K in under an hour. Okay, I need reading glasses now, and there’s some grey in my hair (when I look in the mirror, after first finding my reading glasses). But all in all, I wouldn’t trade my life with anybody.Â
Life really is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.Â